I have too much time on my hands. As I discovered recently, working full-time made my mood change, and not for the better. I am still struggling with guilt that I left the job, but when I saw a psychiatric nurse today she said that it is a good sign that I could recognise a potential problem and take action, before having a serious episode. I suppose she is right in a way as I have never managed that before, always carrying on until I become ill and have the whole nurses coming round every day thing.
It was a productive meeting, actually. We talked about my mood swings that I’m having at the moment and came to the conclusion that it is probably to do with the whole working/dipping then moving house thing. She suggested that I get some more of my “home comforts” set up as she thinks that I may be someone who needs certain objects in order to feel secure. That sounds like I need a comfort blanket or something but I do feel better with familiar things around me and, of course, many of my things are still in boxes and the house is not quite home yet. I am particularly looking forward to getting my pictures back – I have a large frame with lots of photos of my friends in London on it, a piece of the pub carpet (!), a poem that used to be on the pub wall, several crosses of differing types and some religious posters.
At least I have Sammy, my skeleton. And Freddy, my skull.
Back to the original reason I decided to write this. I have too much time on my hands. I am feeling quite active again and would like to do something. I have here, and I have Believer’s Brain, which I absolutely love writing, but I fancy doing more. Not on the same subject (mental health & Christian faith) but similar. I’m not sure. My interests are quite narrow, mostly being in the Christian side of things. I can’t write fiction well, not since starting medication 10 years ago. I would quite like to do something more evangelistic, or something aimed at youth. I’m thinking internet-based and writing here, due to the whole shyness thing, but I’m not sure what.
I had, once, a website that drew on the parallels between the vampire myth and Christianity (yes, I know, the vampire legend is about the perversion of Christianity) and tried to make it into a “surprise them with the Gospel” thing. Though I’m not sure that that would be effective and might lead to people being annoyed. Though it was fun to write…
I don’t know…but I want to do something. Blogging is harder, because you have to update regularly. I would quite like to give advice to people. That sounds like I’m up my own bum and think I’m great, but I would like to use what wisdom I have to help others, and the people I can imagine being able to help are teenagers, particularly those suffering mental health difficulties and/or those who are Christian. I can give a more nuanced approach than many of the “one size fits all” Christian online advice places – for example highlighting that there are Christians who do not adhere to a conservative viewpoint, and presenting their views alongside those of conservative/evangelical Christianity.
I’m just thinking out loud here, but it would be interesting. Will have to think some more…