Been a while since I posted here. A few things have been a bit “off” lately. Firstly, I’ve been spending a lot more time in the pub, I think mostly because I am feeling the lack of company. I haven’t really made good friends yet, although there are people who I drink with, and the only time I see people is in the pub. That said, I shouldn’t go so often because I know the blog is suffering, and I don’t want to be known as a drunk. Because that is the other problem – when I do go to the pub I tend to drink an awful lot.
The other problem is the blog, really. I was warned this might happen but since I won the award I’ve been finding it harder to write. It is difficult to think of things to write at all and my brain doesn’t seem to be functioning correctly. I find it hard to concentrate on the writing, to think clearly enough to work out what I want to say, and everything I do write comes out feeling half-hearted and wrong. I did do one decent post, something like a stream of consciousness recently, but I cannot rely on that because that is not the normal way I think.
I don’t know whether drinking is hindering me, or whether I just need to try to concentrate more. It is really frustrating, because I had in mind that my next move was to contact some of the Christian magazines and see whether they would run pieces from me, but I feel my writing isn’t good enough to try that at the moment. There are lots of things I could be doing with the writing, if only I didn’t feel intellectually lazy and incompetent.
Oh well. Perhaps it will come back to me. I don’t know if anyone else would understand me but it feels sort of hot and sticky in my head, a confusion of thoughts and an apathy I don’t like. Hopefully that will blow away at some point.
Anyway, enough about me. Just using this blog to vent in really.