Woman-flu

Downtown Edinburgh

Downtown Edinburgh (Photo credit: Extra Medium)

Well, I had a nice trip up to Edinburgh, spent several nights chewing the fat with my old university friend. Talked about everything under the sun and drank enormous quantities of lager. Quite impressed I managed a conversation at all, really!

However I am back in the North East and have come down with a cold. Now I remember, Shirley was getting over a chest infection when I saw her! So now I am grumping round the house complaining bitterly about feeling ill.

I am a wimp when it comes to (physical) illness. If I strain a muscle there is much groaning, when I have a cold I sit around looking sorry for myself. Right now I am feeling ok though – I followed my mum’s advice (mums are useful) and had a bath, which seems to have temporarily resolved the achy muscles, and the rest is lemsip!

As for what I’m doing now…I didn’t make it to church on Sunday, because I felt absolutely shattered after getting back from Edinburgh on Saturday. I did think I might go to Evensong, but the only time I’ve been to that I felt completely bewildered throughout and had no idea what I was supposed to be doing/saying/singing at any given time!

I’m doing a course on Thursday evening with the local Baptists – my church doesn’t do that kind of thing, unfortunately, but the Baptists do (and their courses are full of young men!) Apparently it is a Jeff Lucas one – so was the last one and I enjoyed that so it should be good.

I am still prevaricating about going to London for the award ceremony – I would like to go, but lack the funds. I could use my savings or my credit card, but I think the parents would be less than pleased about that! I might ask mum if she could sub me some money. The trouble is that it is £119 for the train ticket, then about that again for every night in a hotel. I would like to go for 2 or 3 nights, so it will be expensive! I have friends in London but it seems the height of rudeness to ring up and say “I’ve been invited to an award ceremony, for something you are not interested in and only one of you could come along anyway, can I come and stay with you?” My friends are not a hotel! (Also, it would be really cool to just walk into the old pub and surprise everyone!)

We shall see. Need to get a move on though, as if I’m not going I need to tell them sharpish.

In other good news I randomly won a Bible through the Woman Alive facebook book group thingy. I am being lucky at the moment! I like winning things. I am also slightly obsessed by Bibles (I have many many many different types and have a disconcerting habit of feeling and smelling the bindings. I have found that people are embarrassed if you do that in public, for some reason)

My room in my new house is now almost ready, I now have an absolutely massive desk! And a filing cabinet so I have somewhere to put my degree/A-levels and whatnot in.

On the subject of ideas, which I was opining about recently. I have discovered that my fancy new Bible software is so good that I think I could produce at least a few blog posts about more general Christian subjects (i.e. not mental health related). I think I might just do that, I think. Though Believer’s Brain would always be my priority.

Anyway, that’s that. Apart from one thing – why does no one comment on Believer’s Brain? I see in the stats that people are reading, but no one says anything! Or presses the “like” button! Am I writing crap and no one has told me? Am I boring? I need feedback!

*walks away grumbling*

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Too Much Time

Gospel Graffiti II

Gospel Graffiti II (Photo credit: Peat Bakke)

I have too much time on my hands. As I discovered recently, working full-time made my mood change, and not for the better. I am still struggling with guilt that I left the job, but when I saw a psychiatric nurse today she said that it is a good sign that I could recognise a potential problem and take action, before having a serious episode. I suppose she is right in a way as I have never managed that before, always carrying on until I become ill and have the whole nurses coming round every day thing.

It was a productive meeting, actually. We talked about my mood swings that I’m having at the moment and came to the conclusion that it is probably to do with the whole working/dipping then moving house thing. She suggested that I get some more of my “home comforts” set up as she thinks that I may be someone who needs certain objects in order to feel secure. That sounds like I need a comfort blanket or something but I do feel better with familiar things around me and, of course, many of my things are still in boxes and the house is not quite home yet. I am particularly looking forward to getting my pictures back – I have a large frame with lots of photos of my friends in London on it, a piece of the pub carpet (!), a poem that used to be on the pub wall, several crosses of differing types and some religious posters.

At least I have Sammy, my skeleton. And Freddy, my skull.

Back to the original reason I decided to write this. I have too much time on my hands. I am feeling quite active again and would like to do something. I have here, and I have Believer’s Brain, which I absolutely love writing, but I fancy doing more. Not on the same subject (mental health & Christian faith) but similar. I’m not sure. My interests are quite narrow, mostly being in the Christian side of things. I can’t write fiction well, not since starting medication 10 years ago. I would quite like to do something more evangelistic, or something aimed at youth. I’m thinking internet-based and writing here, due to the whole shyness thing, but I’m not sure what.

I had, once, a website that drew on the parallels between the vampire myth and Christianity (yes, I know, the vampire legend is about the perversion of Christianity) and tried to make it into a “surprise them with the Gospel” thing. Though I’m not sure that that would be effective and might lead to people being annoyed. Though it was fun to write…

I don’t know…but I want to do something. Blogging is harder, because you have to update regularly. I would quite like to give advice to people. That sounds like I’m up my own bum and think I’m great, but I would like to use what wisdom I have to help others, and the people I can imagine being able to help are teenagers, particularly those suffering mental health difficulties and/or those who are Christian. I can give a more nuanced approach than many of the “one size fits all” Christian online advice places – for example highlighting that there are Christians who do not adhere to a conservative viewpoint, and presenting their views alongside those of conservative/evangelical Christianity.

I’m just thinking out loud here, but it would be interesting. Will have to think some more…